lisawilliamson (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lisawilliamson) wrote2014-02-08 09:01 am
lisawilliamson) wrote2014-02-08 09:01 am
005
38 days until Japan.
Today, since it is gross and blizzard-y outside, I am really going to focus on selling my dolls, doing my book review, and organizing/taking stuff off of/resetting my old computer so that Jose can have it. He's buying it from me on payday, this coming Friday, so I do have a couple of days. It's mostly a giveaway, the stuff on it as far as applications go, the additional Mac keyboard, etc... it's worth over 1k but since it has problems I'm giving it to him for $150. I have to just start getting rid of things, things I simply can't take with me, things that have needed to go for a long time anyway.
When I look around and see how much stuff I still have to list and manage though, I get anxious and overwhelmed and feel like just giving up. The problem is though, I don't have an option. Anything I don't list goes in the garbage. My parents have never had a policy of letting me store anything, so this will be the third time in my life I have to get rid of everything I own or just toss it. /bitter lol
The goal is for me to bring two checked bags/suitcases, and my backpack. (Then ship myself my box of shoes later.) If you think about it, for that being everything I own, that is not a lot of stuff. Not a lot of clothing, or beauty stuff, or anything. Some girls take that much stuff on a week vacation; that's going to comprise everything in my life. Additionally I still have to get a Japanese adapter, or even two, for some of my stuff until I can find Japanese replacements (i.e. my straightener).
Soon I'll have to handle my phone stuff, too. Cancel/pay out my contract, which costs a bunch of money I don't have. Buy a new phone in Japan. Sooo much money for everything.
Still have to sell my car. I don't even think it will start right now, so can't do anything about that at the moment. It needs to have a couple last things fixed up and go for a wash. More money money money. I don't think I'd be anywhere near as stressed about these things if I weren't grasping at straws for funds here. The fact that I "can't work" properly while in Japan on a student visa is hugely an issue that frightens and stresses me every single moment of every single day. While I do very wholly welcome the prospect of not having to balance time between working a crap job and studying -- which gives me a whole lot of time for concentrating on getting good grades and excelling at reading and writing Japanese, which I am happy for -- I am extremely stressed about monthly payments of things and having enough to get by and enjoy myself on occasion. e_e;
I know there's the student line of credit thing, but that whole prospect terrifies me. Debt terrifies me. I JUST managed to get out of 3k of debt after TWO YEARS. And I never would have, either, if it were not for some lucky breaks with things like getting to live in a place where I don't have as many bills to pay. How in the bloody fuck am I going to manage 40k?
For people who are going to become doctors or business entrepreneurs, putting yourself in that kind of situation seems logical. You'll pay it back, in a few years' time. But for me? It just seems like... I already have no confidence that I will ever, ever be able to afford my own place of residence, unless it was like a 100-square-foot box in the middle of nowhere. How in the bloody hell am I ever supposed to pay back 40k in loans? Every single day the prospect absolutely terrifies me, it almost makes me cry. I can't imagine ever not living paycheck to paycheck. I can't imagine ever having a career that I like that makes me a "lot" of money, and by a lot I mean 4-5k a month. I'm already old. I'm 25 and just starting my solid university career, which I feel I will finally finish, a field of study I feel I finally belong. I won't graduate until I'm almost 30. By that time I will have lost eight years of career-building time that most post-grads have, and have nothing to show for it.
The long story short is... yeah, I can take out this student line of credit, sure. But I absolutely don't want to have to use it often. I hope in my whole four years at school I can use less than 1/4 of what's allowed. I might be able to manage that okay, maybe.
I swear to god in my life I've never been so scared or stressed about money. Bah.
Today, since it is gross and blizzard-y outside, I am really going to focus on selling my dolls, doing my book review, and organizing/taking stuff off of/resetting my old computer so that Jose can have it. He's buying it from me on payday, this coming Friday, so I do have a couple of days. It's mostly a giveaway, the stuff on it as far as applications go, the additional Mac keyboard, etc... it's worth over 1k but since it has problems I'm giving it to him for $150. I have to just start getting rid of things, things I simply can't take with me, things that have needed to go for a long time anyway.
When I look around and see how much stuff I still have to list and manage though, I get anxious and overwhelmed and feel like just giving up. The problem is though, I don't have an option. Anything I don't list goes in the garbage. My parents have never had a policy of letting me store anything, so this will be the third time in my life I have to get rid of everything I own or just toss it. /bitter lol
The goal is for me to bring two checked bags/suitcases, and my backpack. (Then ship myself my box of shoes later.) If you think about it, for that being everything I own, that is not a lot of stuff. Not a lot of clothing, or beauty stuff, or anything. Some girls take that much stuff on a week vacation; that's going to comprise everything in my life. Additionally I still have to get a Japanese adapter, or even two, for some of my stuff until I can find Japanese replacements (i.e. my straightener).
Soon I'll have to handle my phone stuff, too. Cancel/pay out my contract, which costs a bunch of money I don't have. Buy a new phone in Japan. Sooo much money for everything.
Still have to sell my car. I don't even think it will start right now, so can't do anything about that at the moment. It needs to have a couple last things fixed up and go for a wash. More money money money. I don't think I'd be anywhere near as stressed about these things if I weren't grasping at straws for funds here. The fact that I "can't work" properly while in Japan on a student visa is hugely an issue that frightens and stresses me every single moment of every single day. While I do very wholly welcome the prospect of not having to balance time between working a crap job and studying -- which gives me a whole lot of time for concentrating on getting good grades and excelling at reading and writing Japanese, which I am happy for -- I am extremely stressed about monthly payments of things and having enough to get by and enjoy myself on occasion. e_e;
I know there's the student line of credit thing, but that whole prospect terrifies me. Debt terrifies me. I JUST managed to get out of 3k of debt after TWO YEARS. And I never would have, either, if it were not for some lucky breaks with things like getting to live in a place where I don't have as many bills to pay. How in the bloody fuck am I going to manage 40k?
For people who are going to become doctors or business entrepreneurs, putting yourself in that kind of situation seems logical. You'll pay it back, in a few years' time. But for me? It just seems like... I already have no confidence that I will ever, ever be able to afford my own place of residence, unless it was like a 100-square-foot box in the middle of nowhere. How in the bloody hell am I ever supposed to pay back 40k in loans? Every single day the prospect absolutely terrifies me, it almost makes me cry. I can't imagine ever not living paycheck to paycheck. I can't imagine ever having a career that I like that makes me a "lot" of money, and by a lot I mean 4-5k a month. I'm already old. I'm 25 and just starting my solid university career, which I feel I will finally finish, a field of study I feel I finally belong. I won't graduate until I'm almost 30. By that time I will have lost eight years of career-building time that most post-grads have, and have nothing to show for it.
The long story short is... yeah, I can take out this student line of credit, sure. But I absolutely don't want to have to use it often. I hope in my whole four years at school I can use less than 1/4 of what's allowed. I might be able to manage that okay, maybe.
I swear to god in my life I've never been so scared or stressed about money. Bah.